“My father has forgotten so much of his past. Sometimes, I wonder — would it be a blessing or a curse if he remembered?”
“One day,” he said to me, “‘Someone in my dream asked, ‘Is that your wife?’ I looked at the woman’s face… and didn’t know who she was.’”
Who was he with in his dream? He had forgotten even the woman who shared a quarter century of life with him — his wife.
— from The Courage to Face Our Aging Parents, by Ichiro Kishimi
The Courage to Face Our Aging Parents by Ichiro Kishimi
This touching book, written by Ichiro Kishimi — the bestselling author of The Courage to Be Disliked — captures the emotional journey he experienced while caring for his aging, increasingly forgetful father. For anyone caught between caring for elderly parents and raising children, this book resonates deeply. Its insights reflect the quiet ache of responsibility, and the tenderness that comes with watching someone you love slowly forget the life they once knew.
Kishimi writes that his father’s memory loss seemed to bring no emotional weight. While most people look back on the past with nostalgia or longing, his father seemed detached — as though those memories were just facts in a history book, stories with no personal meaning.
Memory Loss Is Not Just a Parent’s Loss
For Kishimi, what stood out wasn’t only the forgetting itself — it was how it erased the emotional bond between father and son. A shared past had quietly unraveled. He writes:
“My father lost his past. And I lost my witness. A part of our shared history disappeared with him. When our parents lose their memories, it’s not just their loss — it’s as if the version of ourselves that existed in those memories begins to disappear, too.”
It’s something we’ve seen at StoryPatio, too.
One of our clients, in his fifties, came to us hoping to document his father’s immigration story — the struggles, the early days, the sacrifices. But his father, now in his eighties, had already begun to show signs of dementia. He could no longer tell his own story. I could hear the love in our client’s voice… and the quiet sadness of knowing it might be too late to capture it all.
As I grow older, I often wish I had written down more about my grandparents when the memories were still vivid — how they held my hand, how they told stories, how they lived. Now, all I have are fragments: a few lines they scribbled in my yearbook, a private Facebook post I once made with a photo and some thoughts only I could see. Those tiny scraps, once casual, have become deeply precious — small but lasting connections to a time that’s now gone.
The Courage to Begin Again
Kishimi offers a powerful reminder: “If you can’t remember the past, then begin again.”
We can’t force our parents to remember. But we can choose how we relate to them now. We can update the relationship — create new memories, cherish each moment, and, in doing so, give meaning to the present.
At StoryPatio, this is what we’re here for.
We help families capture and preserve the stories that matter most — your parents’ memories, your family’s legacy, your shared history. Through writing, we can create something lasting. Not just for our parents, but for ourselves, and for the generations who come after.
If you’ve ever felt regret over stories left untold, let today be your new beginning. Start with one memory, one conversation, one story. Because every story saved is a piece of love that time can’t erase.
Let us help you give those stories a forever home.
Contact StoryPatio today —
Let’s write your family’s story, together.